Hello and welcome to The Cheat Sheet!
I had a whole overwritten cutesy intro thing here, but it was terrible and a waste of your time, and not even in the good way. (If there is such a thing.)
Let’s just do the thing.
Yu Goes Yard
Few things better than pitcher dingers, except perhaps for AL pitcher dingers. Look at this baby:
His teammates going nuts is my favorite part, and it makes sense. A pitcher home run is a rare and joyous occasion to begin with, but an AL pitcher homer? That’s a unicorn.
Also, my goodness did he get all of that one.
Good for Yu.
(I’m sorry.)
That feeling when someone at the airport has your luggage, x1000
Everyone has an airport horror story. On a family vacation, flying into Midway airport, our plane was delayed while the luggage went on ahead. After landing, we discovered that our bags had been pulled off the baggage carousel and locked inside the airline’s office area at the airport. And then everyone had gone home. We could SEE the bags through the window, but we had no way of getting to them. My father was not pleased.
And of course losing luggage is even worse. But also on the list is when someone has bags somewhat identical to your own, making it difficult to discern some random suitcase from yours, and greatly increasing the possibility of someone else walking away with your stuff.
If you’re an anxious traveler, you’re probably tensing at the thought. Now, imagine that times, like, a big number, and you have what happened to Team Great Britain upon their return home. This made the rounds yesterday, and it’s hilarious.
The athletes traveled with team luggage, which was fine in theory, except it was all identical. As you’d expect, confusion ensued:
https://twitter.com/matt_langridge8/status/768026973708877824?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
This is why I prefer to just take a carry-on. Not sure why they didn’t think of that, it’s not like Olympic athletes staying for a week or two overseas need any special gear or anything.
Quick hits
-The White Sox announced a new naming rights deal for their stadium, and it’ll now be known as Guaranteed Rate Field. Yikes. #BetterSoxStadiumNames was a fun trend for a bit last night. My favorite two jokes:
If the White Sox keep Chris Sale, maybe the name should have been
Cut Rate Field
— Randall J. Sanders (@RandallJSanders) August 24, 2016
I’m now trying to think of the inverse; what’s the worst corporate partner to name your stadium after? I don’t have an answer for you. I can’t do it all. But I think it has to be just so bland you can’t even enjoy it ironically.
-The USL player that reportedly slung homophobic insults at Robbie Rogers (the first openly gay MLS player) was suspended for two games. He denied using the language, and as there was no further corroboration, the suspension was instead merely for general abusive language. But, I mean, come on. Why would Rogers make this up, after years of playing while out? Had they had proof, I wonder how long the suspension would have been. I’d have been fine with a lengthy one.
-Speaking of soccer, USMNT fullback/winger DeAndre Yedlin was sold from Tottenham to Newcastle. It’s a step down from the EPL to the Championship, but hopefully a step up in playing time. Yedlin spent last season at Sunderland, a team he helped avoid relegation at Newcastle’s expense. And Newcastle has a good chance to be back in the EPL next season, which might set Yedlin up for a good run of competition in the build-up to the 2018 World Cup.
-Our Ian Casselberry reviewed Hell or High Water, and gives it high marks.
-Pete Carroll called his shoes “Air Paternos” without any reservation. That’s…troubling, though maybe he’s a truther in more ways than one. Also Macklemore is involved, because of course he is.
-Clemson football has new facilities, which are just as decadent as you’d expect, including a bowling alley. I get it, of course. It’s not enough to be a powerhouse program anymore, you have to give recruits a tour of Willy Wonka’s Football Factory to compete for the recruits you need to land.
-According to the always reliable Vin Diesel, The Rock’s role in The Fast and the Furious universe was originally written for Tommy Lee Jones. Obviously it evolved differently once The Rock was attached, but it’s fun to imagine just how mailed in Jones’s performance would have been by the third time he came back to the franchise. (Say what you will about The Rock, but the dude absolutely commits to every role.)
-The A’s want to build a new ballpark, and they want to do it on the waterfront, because they apparently just realized that Oakland is indeed near an ocean, and people like to look at oceans. There might be boats! Ooo, boats!
-Not content with just using every possible modern ingredient to brew beer, there might soon be beer brewed with 45 million-year-old yeast. Yum?
-An Ohio Man (right up there with Florida Man, IMO) was found acting like a gorilla and treating his body as an amusement park on the sidewalk. (I’m not going to make the obvious joke. I refuse.)
-Nick Diaz was reportedly involved in a Las Vegas brawl. A fighter gets in a fight. Seems obvious.
-James Harden’s shoes aren’t the Chef Currys, but they’re not great in their own way. I’m honestly not sure what I’m looking at here:
–Real Sports looked at the harassment of women in sports media online, among other issues faced by women in the industry. It’s a real (and often scary) problem.
–Sports Illustrated and Fox Sports are forming a content sharing partnership that could very well change the face of media today. More likely: you’ll get Skip Bayless talking to a few swimsuit models. (That was flip, but it is interesting to analyze.)
-Hope Solo was suspended for six months by U.S. Soccer over her controversial remarks after the USWNT’s defeat to Sweden.
A fake news headline I wish was real
Coworker Weirdly Excited About Labor Day
One final glorious bit of procrastination
This is some cycling, right here, and apparently a great lesson in aerodynamics:
I was loving it from the beginning, but when he zoomed past the scooter, I lost it.